just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I didn't notice because vodka
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
