im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
