I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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