Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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