Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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