I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
