How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
