i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
