your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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