last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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