your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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