shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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