I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
