when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
