Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
