if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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