Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
