Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
