Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
