i was born a porn star she said
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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