he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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