Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
