I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
