ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk is not a location!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
