You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
