I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
