Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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