yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
