i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
