Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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