nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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