so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
