Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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