becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We left an ass print on the piano.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
