Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
