capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
