mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
