dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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