Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This is the high leading the old right now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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