Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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