What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize