Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
