I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
