I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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