remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
