We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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