I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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