What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
