Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
