it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
