I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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