And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
