All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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