I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
