they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she peed on how many people?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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