I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
