Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
