my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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