im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
