I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
