One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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