Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The adults are the big ones right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
