You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
false alarm, still single
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