Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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