I just pynch a tree in the face
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize