i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
