I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
