What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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