I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
