Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
