my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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