i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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