Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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