I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
