I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
