I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
