i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
