You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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