last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
