I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize