His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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