I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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