he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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